Brodie and Kurt took 2nd place on the first leg of The Amazing Race. We recap the action.
November 16, 2015 by Simon Pollock in Opinion with 4 comments
Five Ultiworld writers gathered on Google Docs to discuss the livestream-only “premiere” of CBS’ The Amazing Race, which will feature Brodie Smith & Kurt Gibson as competitors in the upcoming season. Brodie & Kurt were #2 to arrive to the first checkpoint. The show officially begins in February.
Keith Raynor: I wonder if Grantland (RIP) used Google Docs. I wonder if Florida Ultimate used Google Docs. If yes, were only two or maybe three players at a time allowed to edit anything and all the other players just had View Permissions? I mean, does Florida Ultimate have a system…or a lifestyle? I somehow doubt that this show’s premiere is going to answer these questions.
A more relevant question will be how many times Kurt appears on screen before the show tries to bring his cancer in as a sob story/story of triumph. This is network television, right?
Simon Pollock: Is it awful that I immediately thought about Kurt’s story? It’s inspirational and his comeback has been incredible for ultimate — I mean, where is he on the list of all-time-great male players? He’s in my Top 5.
But I couldn’t help but worry about CBS taking that card and playing it early. You have to figure that as much as it’s a part of Kurt’s personal history; he just doesn’t let himself be defined by it. Never has.
Daniel Prentice: My first question is what are the rules on this show? Are there rules? I was not even aware that it was on CBS until Simon just said that it was.
Katie Raynolds: Based on my more extensive knowledge of reality TV, my bet is that it either a) comes up immediately or b) they focus only on “frisbee stars.” Will research if Amazing Race has had previous cancer-featured players.
Fun fact: My dad applied to be on this show, completely seriously.
UPDATE: They have had father & son cancer survivors. They won their season.
ALSO: The theme for this season is that each pair is somehow famous on social media. Don’t know if that’s news, but it could make this either very interesting or very nauseating.
Patrick Stegemoeller: I’ve never seen an episode of The Amazing Race, but if it’s anything like The Challenge then they will talk about Kurt’s cancer early and often, and encourage his competitors to make jokes about it.
Let’s try to figure out who their rivals will be. Every hero needs a villain. And our boys are definitely one of those things.
Simon: I like that. Are there teams that have tried to cheat on the Amazing Race? It’s been on for 27 seasons. Someone must have been sent home — CBS does that, right? Does it happen on Survivor? Is Survivor still on? I have no idea. I’m not prepared for this.
Daniel: How would one cheat in The Amazing Race, I wonder? What are the incentives to cheat in The Amazing Race? The winners get some quasi-significant amount of money, I assume?
Simon: And furthermore, how do you villainize people on this show? Is it lowlife stuff, like hiding around a corner and then sticking out your foot when the other team runs by? Are contestants allowed banana peels?
Patrick: Do you think the producers will create some hackneyed situation into the show where one of them has to throw a disc like object at a button or something to release a drawbridge? Sort of like Vince at the end of the Recess movie?
Simon: I’m just remembering now that Brodie and Kurt will be racing against other “social media influencers.” How do those types beef? Do you make a reaction video to someone else’s crappy reaction video?
Keith: Ok, now I’m trying to figure out if I’d rather watch Krodie (for simplification: why not ride out the portmanteau?) on The Amazing Race or as characters on Recess.
Aren’t we supposed to be journalists? Did none of you even consider research? ‘Cause I read the Wikipedia page. Here are some facts:
– $1,000,000 dollar prize.
– Lots and lots of rules, usually through different signs that indicate different types of challenges and rewards, like a Fast Forward sign that, if you complete the challenge, allows you to skip to the end point for that section of the race, or a Roadblock, a cryptic challenge in which only one player per team can compete.
– “Killer fatigue”, which is what fans of the show call this common reason for elimination: “The stress of racing with one’s partner, staying ahead of the competition, completing the assigned tasks, and dealing with little sleep or luxury combined.”
– Each team gets an allowance with their first clue to spend for the rest of the show. If they run out, they will have to earn money on their own.
Also, Miss Florida USA is on this show. THIS COULD BE RELEVANT ONE DAY.
Daniel: I started to do a little research but then clicked on a link to “Awkward Child Stars Turned Insanely Hot” and did that instead. Jonathan Lipnicki really blossomed.
Keith: This Cole Viner kid and his Mom are my gut pick to get eliminated first episode. No real basis for that.
Patrick: Who wants to take the Brodie/Miss Florida shipping corner? Also, I am so excited to see Brodie awkwardly interact with those two contestants that are Instagram models.
Simon: I’m all in on Krodie. In fact, I’m already camped out on Krodie Island. I can’t imagine a single scenario in which our boys don’t win a) The Amazing Race b) Prove that Frisbee is Real Through Reality T.V.
Hang on, Team Zach and Rachel are newlyweds. Does the marriage get stronger because of the race, or does it fail? Definitely a zero-sum game and I’m excited for this sideplot. Also, there’s no good way to combine those two names. It all sounds awful.
Daniel: Dana and Matt are even more tenuous! They’re only dating. The reason people like this show must be that the teams begin to hate each other at a certain point. Gonna be a fun ride.
Patrick: I’m intrigued by the dynamics of the parent-child teams. Mostly because Brodie is going to say something unforgivable to that one YouTube model girl in front of her Dad.
Keith: Aren’t “races” one of those things in which doing stuff on time is a must? By definition?
Simon: Not only that, but I just watched the host Phil’s live update on FB, and he thinks some of the teams are lost. And then, when they get to where he is, they go off on a “detour.” I smell a script!
Simon: Wait, how did we miss Burnie Burns and his girlfriend Ashley! I feel the Burn!
Katie: Another 45 min delay. WTF. I’m also learning from the Facebook comments that this show does have rabid fans. Besides us.
Keith: A detour is a game mechanic. Teams get a choice of a “this or that” option of a task to complete. So maybe it means they will do something. Actually.
Simon: Here’s our first print-worthy tweet:
Daniel: Speaking of Twitter…why are there no Twitter celebs on this show? Where’s Jenny Johnson? @ch000ch? @fart? Such a disappointing lack of diversity, CBS.
Katie: GUYS THERE HE IS.
Katie: Prayers mentioned by Brodie in first 30 seconds.
Simon: I was not prepared for everyone to be so out of breath. Now I’m out of breath.
Katie: Phil Keoghan leaves the screen, bitch slaps everyone for delaying his social media moment. “This is NOT how we do things on Amazing Race. Get your shit together.”
Simon: THERE HE IS, BURNIE. I FEEL THE BURN. I also feel bad for buying Krodie Island. Is it already time to paddle away.
Daniel: I have no clue what’s happening right now, but the Facebook commenters are losing their minds, so this must be incredibly exciting for people who know anything about this show.
Katie: Guys I love that duo in shorts. They’re mine. Team… them.
Katie: The smile on Phil’s face is sooo forced. He’s said “chaos” 10-12 times.
Simon: And now, a brief cut to Phil, where he tells us how important it is to take it slow. IT’S A RACE PHIL, DON’T TELL US TO SLOW DOWN.
Katie, he’s also pretending that all of these teams just suddenly showed up. As if he hasn’t been telling us on FB for the last 45 min what’s happening.
Katie: WAIT THAT LAST GUY. I KNOW HIM FROM VINE HE’S SO HOT.
Simon: And now an exclusive with Carlos, a local fan. I’m really glad Pat isn’t here to say anything about Carlos.
Katie: The camera pans, and it’s mostly just Carlos standing there besides cameramen.
…is this show just Americans yelling in English at people who don’t speak English? Because I’m on board.
Simon: We get our first look at the last team, Sheri and Cole. It appears that Sheri is illiterate. I’m really glad that CBS is concerned with having a diverse cast. The illiterate community really needs more representation.
Katie: “I know you have questions… but I literally have to go.” Code for: Phil is tryna GTFO
Simon: Zooming out for a second. #TeamKrodie was second on camera, you guys. We’re in great shape. Ultimate is in great shape. The Amazing Race is GREAT.
Katie: #TeamKrodie #bringback2010
In other news, my Vine crush is the one who is in the “newlyweds” couple, so I will be rooting for their demise all season
Daniel: I am rooting for the demise of all the Viners, on this show and otherwise.
Simon: Okay, I want reactions. Daniel/Katie, your thoughts? What the fuck did we just watch? What do we know about #teamKrodie ? How are we feeling about this entire thing?
Katie: First thought – #TeamKrodie is also team orange – they each have a color. Did they get to pick this? Is it because of their deep Florida roots, or did Brodie and Kurt just explain that they don’t own shirts in other colors?
Daniel: That was one of the craziest thing I have ever seen. Not sure how I am supposed to go back to watching this football game after that. #TeamKrodie had great energy, which seems like something that should be beneficial to them, but I honestly have no clue. My heart was stolen by Carlos tonight, though. Really hope he’s in every single episode.
Katie: I’m so in. I think this show will be fun to watch, and far less haphazard than the shaky cam we just watched for the livestream. However Phil did say teams could get eliminated in the first few weeks, so there is always the chance we lose out big on #TeamKrodie but then have already become irreversibly addicted to CBS’ Friday night hit.
Simon: Oh, we’re in this for the long haul. If #TeamKrodie goes down early (WHICH THEY WON’T, BECAUSE FRIZBEE), we’ll get at least two weeks’ more coverage out of mourning their loss and discussing the implications for the sport while we actually watch the other teams succeed.
Katie: Thinking analytically, #TeamKrodie has a huge advantage over all the other teams. They’re friends, sure, but also teammates, and teammates who have won together. I think that type of relationship prepares you for games like this way better than fatherhood or friendship or something trivial like that.
Simon: I like this. I like our chances. Because face it, we’re all on #TeamKrodie now. It’s a we, an us. I feel much better about owning Krodie Island.
Is any other team on the show a pair of NATIONAL CHAMPIONS? DO THESE VINERS KNOW THEY’RE UP AGAINST PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES?
Katie: Ugh, admitting the advantage makes me want to barf. But sure, #TeamKrodie. I do think this challenge will be incomplete unless there’s some sort of disc toss, but since everyone is a social media star, I don’t think they’ll pander to #TeamKrodie.
Daniel: Can we get into the whole “star” designation? Apart from #TeamKrodie and Katie’s Vine crush, have any of us ever heard of any of these people before?
Keith: Fulfilling my role as Captain Buzzkill, I do indeed recognize some of these people. The Hot Vine guy I recognize although couldn’t name him. I do know the Vine brothers, I think Darius Benson is hilarious. And while I don’t know #TeamRoosterTeeth as individuals, I am familiar with Rooster Teeth’s work through Red vs. Blue, which I watched as a teenager.
Daniel: The Facebook commenters seemed to heavily support #TeamRoosterTeeth, which I think consisted of #TheBurn and his employee girlfriend. Seems like #TeamKrodie may actually be one of the least popular teams in The Race.
Simon: Yup, it’s a metaphor for ultimate. The producers are trying to tell us something. #Darkhorse…it all makes sense now.
Patrick: What is this garbage? Something unconscionable is going to happen to team “hot YouTube girl and her dad.” Calling it now. Anyone else getting weird flashbacks to the Rollergirl limo scene from Boogie Nights?
Katie: Carlos would fit in so well at the pool parties. Also, Carlos has been watching for 25 SEASONS? I have never been that committed to anything, I don’t think. What does his family think of his obsession? Is it like an “aw shucks, let Carlos be Carlos” thing, or are they ashamed?
Daniel: I think I read that The Amazing Race started in 2001. Multiple seasons in a calendar year kinda thing, I’d imagine.
Patrick: HAHAHA I JUST GOT TO THE PART WHERE HE AWKWARDLY RAMBLES ABOUT PARIS FOR 40 SECONDS.
That was incredible. “We have to continue to travel. We have to continue to do all the things that come with freedom. Yes. Well. Anyways…” Basically the Gettysburg address.
Katie: Reading the team bios – CBS says #TeamKrodie are fans of “this finger-flicking sport.” ….. is that the dirtiest way Ultimate has ever been described?
I predict that they won’t have an early lead, but they’ve got staying power. Helps that Brodie has already been all over the world for tangentially related ultimate promotional events.
Simon: This “event” was about 17 minutes long. #TeamKrodie got about 12 seconds of their 15 minutes of fame in. PHIL, WHY DID YOU LET THESE LADIES BUTT IN?
Here is their full screen time:
And here’s a short Vine:
Keith: I have to say I’m pretty disappointed. I definitely thought this show would introduce the contestants or what the Detour was or inform new viewers (like us – but presumably a large portion of all of these minor celebrities’ midsize fanbases) about how the show works. I get this was supposed to be their grand foray into the season’s theme of social media, but it was done like your parents using Facebook. I could practically hear CBS executives saying “Dear, how do I share this video of this cat playing the keyboard with your Aunt Bethel?!”
Thank God there was a real star on the scene: Carlos, doing his best Atlas impression.
Patrick: I’m excited for the producer’s to conjure up some hackneyed situation that requires Brodie to throw a disc shaped object to release a drawbridge or something. Allow me to set the scene…
Kurt, shirtless, is tied to a giant spinning wheel like a magician’s assistant on the opposite side of a 3,000 ft. Patagonian gorge from Brodie and the team’s Chilean-Sherpa, Nico. Brodie has to figure out a way to cut Kurt down from the wheel before it tumbles into the inconceivable depths below, but all he has at his disposal are four ceremonial Incan “blood plates” that the producers bought for $2.47 at the nearby village from a toothless women. Time is of the essence, because not only is the wheel edging ever closer to the precipice, but a frantic Nico is attempting to communicate with Brodie, through wild gesticulation, that hungry pack of “Guanacos” are coming up the ridge behind them…
Now, I have no idea if this show works like that, but as long as Kurt and Brodie are either a) endangered by some crazy exotic wildlife of b) hanging out with Sherpa’s, I am IN.
Simon: Pat, we can only hope. Root for #TeamKrodie along with the Ultiworld staff when Season 28 of The Amazing Race kicks off, sometime after the Super Bowl.